Be the Person You Want Your Kids to Become

This week's reading led me to one powerful sentence.

Parenting experts spend a lot of time telling people what to tell their kids. But the research shows that what you say has very little impact on how kids turn out. In other words, my appeals to my teenagers were mostly wasted because it doesn’t matter very much what you tell them. What does matter for their development and well-being as a parent is your behavior–what they see you doing. Specifically, one factor—parental warmth and affection, with slightly more weight to that of fathers—has been shown to make up about a third of “psychological adjustment” differences in their children, a holistic measure that includes markers of responsibility and happiness.

—Arthur Brooks

I love Arthur Brooks and learn so much from his work.

This one sentence in his recent newsletter took my breath away:

A Mother’s Behavior Patterns

When I consider Brooks’ words about the most crucial aspect of parenting, “What they see you doing,” I admit I wince a little.

That is a loaded prescription.

Feels a little heavy around the edges.

It makes me a bit regretful of the times I didn’t behave well in front of my children—and there have been many.

But then…I remember my God, who offers lavish grace¹ for our shortcomings. Thankfully, I am learning to provide myself with more self-compassion than ever. I remind myself daily that I cannot and will not be perfect. I make mistakes—very hard to swallow as a recovering perfectionist, idealistic, and hard-on-myself mama—but oh so true.

In last week’s podcast episode, I visited the 2018 archives and revisited the critical topic of a mother’s behavior patterns—the second strand of our three-fold cord of emotional and spiritual health.

A Mother’s Communication Skills

From the moment a child enters the world, the sounds that envelop them become the soundtrack of their early life. Among these, the most significant and influential is the dulcet tones of a mother's voice. The power of a mother's voice in recognizing and responding to their baby is a profound aspect of early development, transcending mere auditory perception and diving deep into the realms of emotional connection and comfort.

—Anja Health²

This week’s podcast episode also comes from the 2018 archives and revisits the third strand of our three-fold: healthy communication skills.

I’ve been involved in a little research project as a new grandmother—whispering in the ears of my newborn grands.

Because they live far away from me, I felt compelled to be at their birth or present as close to their birth as I could be. With all the research I’ve done over the past twenty years, I’ve learned how powerful the “prosody” (tone) and sound of a mother’s, i.e., grandmother’s, voice is to a child.

I felt that if I could whisper in their ears and let their little souls “attune” to my voice, they would remember me when I returned—sometimes months later.

How is this going? You might ask.

So far, so good.

I think the imprinting of my voice made a difference in our connection.

Time will tell, but it sure has been a fun experiment.

A Little Q&A

After listening, I would love to know:

1. What thoughts come to mind when you think of your mother’s “voice”—her prosody?

2. Have you ever considered the power of a mother’s voice?

For more episodes on “A Mother’s Voice,” listen to:

1. Episode 6, Prosody: Power or Poison?

2. Episode 104, Becoming a Stronger Mother

1. 2 Corinthians 9:8 (Amplified), “And God is able to make all grace [every favor and earthly blessing] come in abundance to you, so that you may always [under all circumstances, regardless of the need] have complete sufficiency in everything [being completely self-sufficient in Him], and have an abundance for every good work and act of charity.”

2. So worth a read, mamas: https://www.anjahealth.com/blog/the-power-of-a-mothers-voice-a-symphony-of-connection-with-your-newborn