Something Needs to Change

“We must find God in the contours of our actual lives—not the lives we wish we had, used to have, or plan to have, but the lives we actually have, here now. Because ‘God has yet to bless anyone except where they actually are.’”

-John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way¹

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I sat in my cozy white counseling chair, like I’ve done a thousand times, and suddenly felt this inner nudging, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.

I clutched my white porcelain tea cup. The heat brings some calm to the moment.

The suddenness of the nudge took me a bit off guard, but the outer sensations were quite familiar. I’d been feeling them for some time now: a racing heart, light-headedness, pins and needles pricking my legs, and a slight sense of underlying panic.

Defining This

Defining this is the delicate dance of discernment, but a dance I am sadly familiar with. I’ve been in this place before. Life is shifting and inviting me to shift alongside it.

I resist but know I can’t afford to ignore the warnings.

Emily P. Freeman, author of How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away,² offers this question:

Is there a room where I’m considering making a change but I’m not sure what change to make?

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And just in case the next right step is a bit blurry, she offers Ten Questions³ to help us out.

This one is hitting home:

“Who or what will be affected by my decision?”

The Contours of Our Actual Lives

If I believe that God is using wise voices to help me along the way, then the words of John Mark Comer offer clarity: “We must find God in the contours of our actual lives—not the lives we wish we had, used to have, or plan to have, but the lives we actually have, here now. Because ‘God has yet to bless anyone except where they actually are.’”

For decades, I have worked hard to develop the practice of being in the present moment.

And the present moment I am currently living in reminds me of a familiar past moment. A moment in which I found myself in a pivotal professional transition.

I was sitting on the floor in The Green Room of a local theatre, surrounded by trophies, plaques, and countless unsigned certificates. I had about an hour to sign and seal all the annual awards for my dance students. My forest green, satin dance gown sprawled around me. The countdown to curtain time was fast approaching.

I felt completely overwhelmed. My heart raced. I felt light-headed. And, I felt sheer panic.

I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.

My thoughts flashed back to my doctor’s warning, just a year prior: If you keep going at this rate, this time next year you will have a heart attack. I’m afraid for you, Janell.

I closed my eyes and begged for God’s mercy. Help me, God, and I will stop all of this.

There’s that word, this, again.

At the time, I was homeschooling my three children and running a vibrant, growing dance studio.

Warning signals were there but I ignored them.

How can I leave this place? Who am I without dance? Without all of this?

Yet the tears streaming down my face held a tender God-breathed message:

You are you.

Go home and love your family. Teach your children. I am there (in the contours of your actual life) waiting to bless you.

Trust me with your students and their families.

Something Needs to Change

“What matters more than the decisions you make is the person you have become and are becoming.”⁴

So here I am in this familiar room called “Transition.”

Only this time it is not my three children calling me “home,” but my long-held dream of grandparenting calling me home.

Suddenly, I have three grandchildren, yes three in two years, with another on the way.

Now my heart races and I feel a little light-headed, but in all the right ways.

Instead of overwhelming panic, I feel overwhelming joy.

I want to be more present to each of my children and grandchildren than I’ve ever been before.

And, maybe, most importantly, I want to be most present to myself. If I don’t take care of “me, myself, and I,” who will?

I have to make the necessary changes.

It is up to me.

Who Are You Becoming?

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Heartlifter, I care deeply about you.

In this week’s podcast, we’ve been honored to have the wise voice of Angela Correll, author of Restored in Tuscany: Facing Loss, Finding Beauty, and Living Forward in Hope⁵, on the show.

Halfway through Part 2, she mentions having to “manage generations,” and “knowing how much control is too much control” in that process.

The minute she said those two words, “managing generations,” I knew with certainty the next room I was moving into: The Managing Generations Room.

The first and most important person crossing the threshold into that room is me.

If I’m in for the long haul, I need to listen and obey my dear Body—she’s always led me well.

This Week’s Podcast Prompt

Is there something in your life that needs to change?

It can be big or small or somewhere in between.

Share with us so we can all grow together.

P.S. I’ve included Part 2 of my conversation with Angela Correll. May Wisdom and Peace meet you as you listen.

1

COMER, J. M. (2024). Practicing the way. ORIGEN.

2

Freeman, E. P. (2024). How to walk into a room: The art of knowing when to stay and when to walk away. HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.

3

Freeman, E. P. (2024). How to walk into a room: The art of knowing when to stay and when to walk away. HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.

4

Freeman, E. P. (2024). How to walk into a room: The art of knowing when to stay and when to walk away. HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.

Correll, A. (2024). Restored in Tuscany: A true story of facing loss, finding beauty, and living forward in hope. Harvest House Publishers.

5.