Wintering in a Rose Garden
Finding God in Quiet Places
Everybody winters at one time or another; some winter over and over again. Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness or a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or a failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition or have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-driip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden, like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for went bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering in usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful.”1
-Katherine May, Wintering, The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times
I can’t sleep.
The clock says 5 am.
I sit in a room I fashioned for moments like this. I call it my “breathing room.” It has served a three-fold purpose:
For the past twelve years, it has been the space where I welcome my clients for coaching, aromatherapy clearing, and group sessions.
It provides an aesthetically pleasing atmosphere and background for my ZOOM clients and the videotaping of my podcast.
It is a space and place where I practice stillness, silence, and solitude. It helps me exhale chaos and inhale calm.
This morning, I connect with you.
It’s been a minute. Maybe many minutes.
I need to apologize to you, but then I catch myself.
Do I?
You are my people. I know you understand that Life sometimes just gets to be too much.
Wintering
As Katherine May writes, “Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider.”
For me, health issues have forced me, yet again, into a wintering place.
We know that the body keeps the score.
As evolving emotionally intelligent, highly-functioning women, we are learning that we have limits.
Astounding, right?
We can’t take care of the entire world and expect that it won’t have an eventual toll.
We have to take care of ourselves.
In all honesty, I’ve been in this exact wintering space four specific times in my life.
Sitting in a doctor’s office where I’ve been told by very caring, highly intelligent human beings, i.e., doctors:
“Janell, you need to take six months off from all leadership roles to just be. I want you to sit in a chair for fifteen minutes a day and do nothing. Just sit there. I want you to take care of yourself and your sweet little eighteen-month-old. Do what you’ve never been allowed to do—what brings you joy and life and happiness? I listened for six months. Planted at least 100 geraniums in my yard. Played with Candace like nobody’s business. Got a perm—a story for another time.
“Janell, if you keep going with your dance studio, this time next year…I’m deeply concerned about what might happen to your health. As a cardiologist, I’m not sure how much more your heart can take.” I didn’t listen. I fractured my back and discovered I had a congenital back condition that required a life change. I closed my studio one year later.
“Janell, you have Achalasia. I couldn’t even swallow water. I no longer had peristalsis in my digestive tract. This alarming condition required an experimental surgery—the 3rd done in the state of Virginia. My professional speaking and teaching career was placed on a very long hold.
“Janell, you need to find another way to help people.” This is all I can say, for now, as this wintering is a little too fresh to write about.
Fallen Between Two Worlds
So, as we do here in this beautiful community, I hold both joy and sorrow at the same time.
On my one hand, I hold this fresh wintering season where God is leading me to something new. This requires death to some aspects of my work—which carries sorrow, confusion, and as Katherine May says, “a period of transition” or a sensation of having “temporarily fallen between two worlds.” I must change directions, again.
On the other hand, I hold the birth of five grandchildren in two years. What? All of a sudden, my three children are all welcoming their children into the world. Some are already here…some are on the way. This requires creating space, reserving energy, and sustaining longevity for grandparenting—the stage of life I only dreamed and prayed about thirty-nine years ago. I can’t miss this.
Wintering Wisdom from Paige Allen
This week on the podcast, we welcome Paige Allen, author of “He Knows Your Name: How 7 Nameless Women of the Bible Reveal Christ’s Love for You.”
God is always right on time.
From the moment Paige popped on my ZOOM screen, I smiled.
I immediately knew you were going to love her, too.
Paige’s glimmering story of sitting in a wintering garden is going to take your breath away.
Take a listen and meet me back here so we can continue this conversation.
Direct Link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2202676/
Here is one of this week’s prompts:
Find a quiet place of your own. It may not be a wintering rose garden, but I’m so eager to see what space or place you find.
I’m nestled in my breathing room. Candle lit. Comforter across my lap. The dawn is breaking. Ahhhh.
Leave your comments below. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.
May, K. (2021). Wintering: The power of rest and retreat in difficult times. Rider.