"Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; Forgiveness, however, is for those substantial enough to move on."
-Criss Jami, Salome: In Every Inch In Every Mile
Substantial Enough to Move On
When I found my file folder on “Grudges” and reread Criss Jami's quote, I knew I had to share it with you.
Wow.
Take a moment to let it sink in:
Grudges are for those who insist they are owed something; however, forgiveness is for those who are substantial enough to move on.
This thought: Substantial enough to move on.
When we understand that substantial means “large in amount, value, or importance,” we realize that we must have a lot of love and forgiveness stored in our hearts.
Why?
Because we will need it in the future.
Our relationships will always have altercations, confrontations, misunderstandings, and unhealthy behaviors and communication skills. Always.
We are imperfectly perfect humans.
That is why heart work is a must.
7+ Questions
In today’s vlog, I mention seven questions regarding “giving up the grudge.”
Have you ever held a grudge?
How did it make you feel?
Were there any ramifications?
How were you able to let go?
Were you able to enter into a healing conversation?
What did you find helpful in the process? What was hurtful? What overcomplicated the situation?
Oftentimes, we imagine a situation to be worse than it is. This is called “histrionics” (overly dramatic or emotional) or, as we often hear, “too much drama, llama.”
Let me add one more: What defense mechanisms activate within you? Me? Personalization.
Healing What’s Within
As perfect timing would have it, Dr. Chuck DeGroat’s conversation on this week’s podcast sheds even more light on helping us give up the grudge to live out the love.
In his newest book, Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself—and to God—When You’re Wounded, Weary, and Wandering, he writes:
As you better understand your attachments, you can turn your attention to your current relationships, noticing how your childhood stories are re-storied in your patterns of relating today. Attachments can offer a window into the smaller stories you get stuck in, helping you to name what you needed, what was missing, what happened, and where you were wounded—for by remembering in this way, you remember how to return Home. Attachment science reminds us that the past need not repeat itself in the present. There is great hope.”1
This thought: There is great hope.
Yes, Heartlifter, there is great hope.
We can rewrite our own stories by increasingly attuning to “how our childhood stories are re-storied in our patterns of relating today.”
That is what my tete-a-tete with Rob invited me to do.
Thankfully, because of my heart's work and God's grace, I turned toward Rob instead of away.
As promised, I’m sharing a little peek behind the scenes of my life this week in our paid subscription.
As a new grandmother and mother to adult children, I need to value their privacy and respect their wishes. So, I’ll share more about my time with them on the paid subscription feed. Please join me there. Your support helps me air the podcast and give deep focus to writing resources and books to help others. I appreciate any help you can provide.
Air Worth Breathing This Week:
The air of ideas is the only air worth breathing.
-Edith Wharton
The Air Worth Breathing in my life this week:
I had a conversation with Dr. Chuck DeGroat on the podcast. He speaks of redemptive remembering (Chapter 4, Healing What’s Within). I’m inhaling his words.
I nestled in the redemptive air of being nap-trapped by beautiful newborn June Noelle, daughter of Brooke and Aaron. They are offering my granddaughter the gift of secure attachment, and for that, I am profoundly humbled and grateful.
I celebrated a milestone 65th year around the sun and felt freer and happier than I have in a very long time. I threw a coin into the Piazza Imo Fountain in The Hill (St. Louis) and made a sweet wish for this upcoming year.
I walked my way through an altercation and discovered that conflict can be handled in a redemptive way. I’m still learning.
I enjoyed a glorious morning of forest bathing in the Missouri Botanical Gardens, breathing in the restorative air of Nature.
I soaked in the artistry and beauty of
and breathed in vitality and vigor.I listened to the calming voice of
and breathed in the thoughtful, reflective air of words.I FaceTimed with my children and grandchildren and breathed in the joyful air of connection and celebration. What a birthday gift each one of them is to me.
What Refreshing, Redemptive Air Are You Breathing?
I’d love to hear about your week.
Maybe offer your heartlifting wisdom on “giving up the grudge” to live into the love if you would. Did one of our 7+ questions speak to your heart?
If it’s too personal, feel free to email me at janell@janellrardon.com.
DeGroat, C., & Cook, A. (2024). Healing what’s within: Coming Home to yourself--and to god--when you’re wounded, weary & wandering. Tyndale Refresh.
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